Life, America, Randomness

Language Issues

with 3 comments

Idioms. Figures of speech. You know, the kind of stuff people say all the time. Things that don’t make any sense on their own. Since English is my second language, I often find myself baffled in the middle of a conversation (happens to me two-three times a week). Obviously, certain things make sense, like if you come up to me and say “That woman is a wolf in a sheep’s clothing”.  I get it, cause I know sheep are harmless and dumb, and I also know wolfs are conniving dicks that enjoy slaughtering grandmas and raping* under aged girls dressed in red. But when someone I converse with suddenly announces, “I have an Axe to grind with you”, I must wonder if the dude read one too many Ann Coulter books**.

Sorry, but I have to rant about the low-quality and incomprehensibleness of some of these great American idioms (and figures of speech / common sayings):

“Turn on a dime” – What does that mean? Turn the dime ‘on’? How do you do that? Do you play with its clitoris? Suck on its nipples? What if the dime’s having a headache? So after Nicole Richie, now Dimes are sex icons? Gee, thanks America.

“Beat A Dead Horse” – What is this? A violent type of necrophilia? I know that in selected countries clubbing seals is considered a sport, but beating a dead horse has to be more peculiar than Californians voting for a Republican to govern them. Twice. What the hell is wrong with you people?

“Know something backwards and forward” – is this the definition of gay people who are both ‘Top’ and ‘Bottom’?

“A baker’s dozen” –One of the most derogatory and obnoxious generalization one can make. Is it to imply that all bakers are dumb? That they can’t count? That they’re all obese? That bakers are liars? That they’re not to be trusted? And how am I supposed to know it means 13? Why do you say ‘dozen’ if you mean 13? It’s wrong, man.

“Shoot the shit” – like, literally? Who’s shit? some shits are mushier than others, I hear.

“Cut off your nose to spite your face” – I give up.

Feel free to suggest some more with your comments…

* Oh he would’ve gotten there if given a chance, you know he would’ve.
** Notorious for frying your brain cells to the point of no return.


Written by Frankelstache

March 7, 2009 at 11:31 pm

3 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. You are a true, if insane, advocate for the bakers of the world.


    March 9, 2009 at 6:07 am

  2. […] * Great opportunity for me to link to this […]

  3. […] I’M NOT SO SURE IT’S APPROPRIATE..EITHER WAY..HERE GOES: What is your perception about Pakistan and its […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: