Life, America, Randomness

Who wants to Immigrate To The US?

with 2 comments

Recently I was the beneficiary in a Green Card application, petitioned by the woman I love. The overall story is long and convoluted, but the endeavors fueled a few interesting thoughts.

Immigrating to America was once the dream of every living soul on the Western and Eastern hemisphere. Stories and fantasies of money growing on Oak trees, affordable housing alongside lubricated loan givers, and 6-foot blonds with a Southern accent that love to give oral pleasure were as common as rice in Asia. Cheap drugs, flashy cars, convenient domestic flights, proximity to Mexico, gigantic pork ribs and an endless supply of Mickey D’s. Hollywood, Michael Jordan, NYC, brands, slums, diversity, Wal-Mart and Costco. Yes my friends, America was ‘it’.

This being the case, America has rightfully built many bureaucratic walls and barriers, positioned comfortably behind a mound of legal fees, papers and the human animals known as lawyers, and USCIS officers.
It’s hard to complain about this story cause it makes sense. America used to be the prettiest girl in class (that is, until slightly after the beginning of the W. regime). She had huge boobs, an enormous intellect, steamy long legs, gorgeous blue eyes, immense sense of humor and an honest appreciation and understanding for the love of sports. She was an awesome baker, a dam good parent and an overall dream of every potential mother in-law. And guess what, she was a swinger! No monogamy for that baby, this sweetheart was eager to play around. As a result, of course, almost every organism with a pulse wanted to get a piece of that American ass. So she was forced to play games, act hard to get, banter and seduce, often leaving her devotees’ balls bluer than a Smurf. You know, a woman in that situation has to keep her guard otherwise she’ll soon become uninteresting to her potential aficionados.

America today is an old wrinkled lady that had ran out of her botox supply, is a stinky smoker that is addicted to painkillers and Krystal Meth and even her uterus is slwoly fading.  Nothing but a new body / face transplant could cure the old bitch.  It’s time for the people at the USCIS offices to wake up and smell the Schnitzels. I don’t even need to write how horrible the economy is right now. Does anyone have a doubt that bringing in talented, educated, hard-working people will help us get out of this calamity? From Jose and Jorge that’ll work the fields, through Uri and Slavan that’ll operate crains and all the way to Sergey and Yun-Kim that will build computer microchips – Bring over the reinforcement, their help is indispensable.

It’s suitable to end this post with a quote by a Brit, who, among all his virtues and brilliancy was in love with history. There he is, telling America to look in the mirror and remember how she pulled it off in the past.

“In history lies all the secrets of statecraft.” Winston Churchill


Written by Frankelstache

April 24, 2009 at 3:43 pm

2 Responses

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  1. People in my country (Philippines) would go through great lengths to live in America (I think Filipinos the 3rd largest immigrants next to Latin Americans and Chinese). They’d go to lengths to get a green card.

    I seriously don’t get what’s the deal with America anyway. America is no longer an economic powerhouse it was decades ago. It’s hated by a lot of countries thus a big target for war and terrorist attacks.

    I’d love to take a vacation in the US yet I’m happy living at my own country. It probably is just the brainwashing of the media showing how the US is still the place to be.

    Angel Entropy

    April 24, 2009 at 4:24 pm

  2. Hi angel,
    Thanks for stopping bye!

    Well, in all honesty, I feel like the main reason why America is so desirable for most people is “Hollywood”. What I mean by that is that here is where dreams (are meant to) happen, and America as a brand has been growing and expanding with no relation to reality, pretty much since the 2nd world war. It’s all image/marketing/advertising.

    As for me, coming from a war zone in the Middle East made me seek a place whee I’ll have no essential worries. After living a reality of death, fear and total mayhem, America and its relative safety is not something I take for granted. My bottom line is that I’d rather me and my future children worry about Brittney Spears’ dress or the next American Idol – than worry whether or not this bus I’m about to ride is going to explode. It’s not about potential money or glamor for me, just an honest search for a better future for me and my children.

    I hear the food at the Philipines is awesome. There’s a Jullibee here in SF…a bit odd, but nonetheless delicious!


    April 25, 2009 at 2:16 pm

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