Frankelstache

Life, America, Randomness

Archive for May 2009

Capitalism, Advertising, Recession, No advertising

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Dear Business owner,

I always describe the Marketing / Advertising industry as the Horse upon which the Knight of Capitalism rides. It’s the rifle in the Capitalism soldier’s hands. The pan used by the chef. You get the point.
Throughout the years, I’ve read some mind-blowing books that bashed and slashed the M/A industry, blaming it for everything that’s wrong in this world – from sweatshops in China through credit debt in America and all the way to faulting M/A for the self-centered, detached state of mind that rules the Western hemisphere. And although some of these mind-blowing authors (Naomi Klein, Kalle Lasn – and I truly recommend reading them*) are worse hypocrites than fat hipsters, I must concur that M/A has, in fact, caused lots of anguish to many different people** and is definitely accountable for many wrongdoings in today’s society.

Moreover, it is long known that the more money is bestowed upon an industry, general consumers are vividly eager to spend their dough purchasing products. It’s very simple actually: when businesses market and advertise, consumers shop. That’s how it works.
Case in point – Estimations talk about $2 Billion a year spent on Advertising by Pharmaceutical companies in the US, and the real number may be way higher.  Now according to a study by Readers Digest, in 2007, Americans had spent $7.5 billion on vitamins. Nuff said.

Lastly, every old hag in Turkistan can quote the financial experts, claiming that the best catalyst to get out of this economic mess will be the American public’s spending habits going back to normal.

So, if it’s a known thing that M/A is what pushes Capitalism forward, how come that the M/A budgets are the first to shrink (more like disappear) when businesses try to conserve themselves during a recession?  I never went to business school, never ran my own operation (also never sniffed cocaine out of a Supermodel’s vagina but that’s besides the point) and can’t say I’m a certified financial wiz, but this looks like a simple equation.

Dear business owner,
If you’re forced to cut your budget, fire your whorish looking assistant and cut back on The Fruit Guys. Don’t touch that M/A budget. It’s your best shot of staying alive.

* Culture Jam and No Logo are a must.
** Eating disorders and obesity, to name a few.

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Written by Frankelstache

May 29, 2009 at 8:11 am

My Neighbors

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Peace of mind is relative
My neighbors were always negative.
Sometimes I go blind
Hoping me she’ll find.

My neighbors had no name
Only screams and affidavits.
Often I feel shame
I wonder what they will remember.

Peace of mind is relative
My neighbors sound so crappy
Nonetheless they’re still together
I hope they ended being happy.

Written by Frankelstache

May 28, 2009 at 12:52 pm

Posted in Life, Random, Randomness

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Weddings…American Weddings

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Many books / scripts / songs and jokes were already written on the mental state of the majority of women when their own / their daughters’ wedding is looming.

The woman I love (and her beloved mother) is by no means bridezilla, but she does, however, share a thing or twelve with all those chicks you see on that TV show bout brides. But I digress, cause, this isn’t about the woman I love, or her beloved mother.

So who are you supposed to invite to your wedding?
Traditionally, your parents invite and know more people than you do in your own wedding, and ‘their’ people are often a bunch of ancient old ladies they haven’t seen in ages, but they felt like they had to invite them because “if grandma was alive she’d say it’s unacceptable to not invite them.”.

Well guess what, grandma is dead. In fact, she’s been dead for so long I’m not even sure Larry King had his Bar Mitzvah before she perished. And guess what else, it doesn’t make any sense to invite people you haven’t been in contact with for decades.

I understand that people get really attached to the ones they grew up with, and that some believe that their college roommate from sophomore year is, in fact, their BFF. But I just don’t get the idea of inviting people you probably won’t be able to communicate with for more than three minutes, just because you were once best buddies. And trust me, this is coming from a very loyal person who is in touch with many old friends. Doesn’t it make more sense to just have a giant meal with your small circle of uber important people? Does it have to be a family, neighborhood and college reunion all at the same time, on your father’s expense?

Maybe I don’t get it cause i’m not a girl, and i never grew up waiting for the day when I can feel like the most special woman in the entire world.

Either way, my love for The Woman I Love is so big…i’m willing to go along (lovingly) with anything that’ll make her happy. Damn I’m such a wuss.

Written by Frankelstache

May 27, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Random Thought

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Slutty girls often end up dropping out of college due to unexpected pregnancy.

Being a risk taker never pays off.

Written by Frankelstache

May 26, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Posted in Humor, Random, SEX

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Another Reason Why This Country is Odd

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Although in most countries Memorial Day is a sad date, where a country remembers its fallen sons, in America, Memorial Day is about BBQ and baseball. People died. Okay, bummer. Let’s go to the park and wear red hats. Now who wants a hotdog?

Written by Frankelstache

May 26, 2009 at 9:30 am

Posted in America, Humor, Life

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Eat Up, Boys and Girls

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I’ve commented in the past on how ridicules I find some of the advertisements on TV, especially the ones that celebrate certain things that can only be seen as pros in America.

When Pizza Hut used their “1 full lbs of cheese inside every Pizzone” as a selling point (and basically championed heart attacks), I thought it was a glitch, that although Americans eat Junk Food as often as hookers fuck, recent years must have helped them evolve and comprehend that their food culture requires immediate change.

But it turns out I was wrong. Along comes Taco Bell with new ads for their taco Salad, proving, yet again, that America’s food culture and habits are so bad, I must wonder if this country needs its kids to start getting strokes before middle-school in order to wake up. Now I already have a full stomach (no pun intended. In fact, ‘an Empty stomach’ fits better here) on how “salad” in America is code for lettuce, breadcrumbs, cheese and enough ranch to drown Hulk Hogan. so naturally, this issue bugs me very often. But I digress.

How, in the name of the people who voted for GWB twice, could one be happy when something that’s labeled “Salad” isn’t, in fact, a salad?? This campaign with its catchphrases “It’s only technically a salad” is an insult to the intellect. Moreover, what bugs me here is that salad is being treated as something wrong. Now I’m no saint, and the woman I love, together with anyone else who ever saw my beer belly will testify to my love for food, especially meats, cakes and other unhealthy goodies. But as much as I (occasionaly) love dipping my pork ribs in hot, spicy bbq sauce, I also recognize the importance of healthy food. Fruits, vegetables, water – neither mixed with cheese. I mean, who knows, I might die out of a red meat caused heart attack at age 41, while my American friends who eat corn with butter and fried chicken with hollandaise sauce will live till they’re 102. But man, being healthy isn’t a bad thing. And for fuck sakes, lettuce, bread, cheese and ranch alone does not make for a salad. Caesar was a fucking idiot, and people who buy into Taco Bell’s ‘Technically a salad’ ads are idiots, too.

Written by Frankelstache

May 22, 2009 at 4:13 pm

The Idea That Will Make Me Rich

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in response to this , I thought about a brilliant idea that will change the face of social networking forever.

Why don’t we just gather all the religious psychos, and then just lock them under one virtual roof and be done with it?

We’ll call it “FAITHBOOK“, and it’ll be a safe haven for Men /Women of belief to spread their love for Jesus, Moses, Muhammad, Joseph Smith and anyone else they want to.

Does anyone have Zuckerberg’s number?

Written by Frankelstache

May 20, 2009 at 3:41 pm