Life, America, Randomness

Eat Up, Boys and Girls

with 4 comments

I’ve commented in the past on how ridicules I find some of the advertisements on TV, especially the ones that celebrate certain things that can only be seen as pros in America.

When Pizza Hut used their “1 full lbs of cheese inside every Pizzone” as a selling point (and basically championed heart attacks), I thought it was a glitch, that although Americans eat Junk Food as often as hookers fuck, recent years must have helped them evolve and comprehend that their food culture requires immediate change.

But it turns out I was wrong. Along comes Taco Bell with new ads for their taco Salad, proving, yet again, that America’s food culture and habits are so bad, I must wonder if this country needs its kids to start getting strokes before middle-school in order to wake up. Now I already have a full stomach (no pun intended. In fact, ‘an Empty stomach’ fits better here) on how “salad” in America is code for lettuce, breadcrumbs, cheese and enough ranch to drown Hulk Hogan. so naturally, this issue bugs me very often. But I digress.

How, in the name of the people who voted for GWB twice, could one be happy when something that’s labeled “Salad” isn’t, in fact, a salad?? This campaign with its catchphrases “It’s only technically a salad” is an insult to the intellect. Moreover, what bugs me here is that salad is being treated as something wrong. Now I’m no saint, and the woman I love, together with anyone else who ever saw my beer belly will testify to my love for food, especially meats, cakes and other unhealthy goodies. But as much as I (occasionaly) love dipping my pork ribs in hot, spicy bbq sauce, I also recognize the importance of healthy food. Fruits, vegetables, water – neither mixed with cheese. I mean, who knows, I might die out of a red meat caused heart attack at age 41, while my American friends who eat corn with butter and fried chicken with hollandaise sauce will live till they’re 102. But man, being healthy isn’t a bad thing. And for fuck sakes, lettuce, bread, cheese and ranch alone does not make for a salad. Caesar was a fucking idiot, and people who buy into Taco Bell’s ‘Technically a salad’ ads are idiots, too.


Written by Frankelstache

May 22, 2009 at 4:13 pm

4 Responses

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  1. …and the same people who got GWB elected would jump up and scream if there were ever an effort to cause these companies to advertise in ways and produce foods that don’t contribute to the health concerns you point out. Sad.


    May 24, 2009 at 2:33 am

  2. ha. good point. It is sad. but also kinda funny….


    May 26, 2009 at 9:32 am

  3. But you forget, some of us want the vitamins of vegetables, but are also very very hungry. Sometimes normal salads can’t fill the hump, and I need some “health” after a long night of drinking.

    So why separate them? What, should I order two? Mash my taco INTO my salad?

    No. I shouldn’t.

    And who the fuck are you to tell me how to eat my salad, you condescending asshole! We don’t have a class system here in America. All the salads and meats live together in motherfucking harmony.

    Your blog post offends me. You will miss everything cool, and die angry.

    Johny PotsnPans

    June 4, 2009 at 12:48 pm

  4. Dear Johny,
    Thank you for your comment.

    Sorry to break it to you, but there are no vitamins in a lettuce soaked with ranch dressing – dried pieces of bread – and some cheese salad. You have a higher chance of getting your vitamins by drinking the menstrual blood of apes.

    Long nights of drinking? You strike me as one of those guys who can’t even finish a whole burrito. I’d be surprised if you’d last more than 2-3 shots before retiring.

    Come again! 🙂


    June 5, 2009 at 8:05 am

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