Life, America, Randomness


with 10 comments

Something’s been bugging me for a while now. Not really sure why I remembered it all of a sudden. It’s late, I’m watching an MTV show about 16 year old White Trash girls that got Britney-ied* and I guess you could say I’m still under the influences of Queen, that’s been playing in the background for the past hour.

At any case, I have another English inquiry I wanted to talk about. You know I came to America a tad less than three years ago thinking / knowing that the word ‘Anal’ has to do with one’s anus, and is more often than not used when describing an activity closely related to but-banging. Faster than the time it takes a republican to answer ‘Jesus’ when asked who’s got his back, I learned that ‘Anal’ isn’t a language taboo, but actually socially accepted – and can, at certain occasions, be seen as a compliment.

Time had passed and I learned more and more about the American use of the English language. I avidly read Krakuer’s awesome books, surreptitiously studied H. Fleming’s eye-opening poetry and diligently watched a few Hannah Montana episodes, yet the story behind Anal’s transition from a sodomy-descriptive adjective to an allegory illustrating a detailed-oriented / control-freak person has yet to exposed itself in front of my daunted eyes.

The first explanation I came up with was that apparently all these Librarians / OCD Soccer Moms must really like it up the ass. But that seemed like a bigger urban legend than “Woody Allen used to make great movies” so I decided to forego it. Then I thought that maybe it’s because the anus is a very tight and squeezed place, and that so-called ‘anal’ people really enjoy small and tight places cause they can fit things inside of it (by category) and label it perfectly. But that, too, sounded like a far-fetched idea. Lastly, I went as far as exploring the possibility that the correlation between the two uses stems from the fact that a vagina lubes itself free-willingly (well, somewhat) while the ass’s lubrication levels can and must be controlled – and anal people like control. But that was just too out there and I thought no one is that twisted.

So now I turn to you. Can someone please put me out of my misery and explain, once and for all what’s the deal?

* Knocked up


Written by Frankelstache

June 18, 2009 at 11:36 pm

10 Responses

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  1. Once again I am given cause to thank god for the musings you visit upon the world. It did get your E-mail kicked off to my spam folder, but this, I think, is the price you pay for genius.

    In the event, “anal” in the sense you’re using it dates from the 19th century, I think, and may thusly be said to predate Hannah Montana by a century or so. The concept of somebody being “anal” comes, as many of the more ridiculous aspects of western society, from Freud. Ze Gut Doktor postulated a number of stages in human development, starting with the “oral stage” when you are born and moving to the “anal stage” when you’re a year or so old and are engaged in toilet training. If your parents screw it up (Freud understood the value of blaming one’s parents quite early) you run the risk of developing an anal fixation.

    In some universes, “anal fixation” would just be a rather quaint name for a singularly-focused pornographic website, but because Freud had the misfortune of living in a world without the Internet, it was his notion that you might become fixated in one of two ways. If you were “anal expulsive”–a particularly vile way of phrasing this concept, I admit–you might become cruel, rebellious and (here’s the rub) disorganised.

    By contrast, an “anal retentive” person derives satisfaction from (or is compulsively driven to exert) control, the same kind of control they strove for during their toilet-training days. “Anal retentive” (“AR” or just “anal” because nobody describes anyone as “anal expulsive” except YouTube commentators shocked into Freudianisms by watching “2 girls 1 cup”) people are stubborn, driven by the need for control and a desire for order.

    Ordinarily one might want to lay the blame for a psychological notion grounded in shit at the feet of some suitably barbaric people like the Japanese, but I must regretfully inform you that we are completely innocent in this matter. And, so long as you avoid reflecting too long on the ancient Japanese pornographic tradition of involving tentacles, so we shall remain.


    June 19, 2009 at 2:27 am

  2. Above poster:
    Tentacle porn! Not to be avoided, but rather focused on with great interest and concentration. Because W.T.F.

    This post cracked me up. It’s one of those things that I get asked about quite a bit actually as an American abroad. And I have no idea how to reply, except to laugh and repeat it louder: ‘ANAL!’.

    I’m a great ambassador for my people.

    Amanda Blog and Kiss

    June 19, 2009 at 2:55 am

  3. Yes, indeed, as the Wise Osaki has explained, “anal”, as you are using it, was given to us by Freud to mark one of the psychosexual stages that we humans inevitably pass through in our long journey towards deranged, foul mouthed, fucked up adulthood (er, I mean, normalcy). Freud posited that many of us don’t make it out of every stage without some neurotic memorabilia. As the ego and superego develop, the libido instinctually drives each of us along through these various stages (every stage an exploration and mastery of the corresponding erogenous zone). If anxiety occurs around any one stage, neurosis develops later in life — in this case, analism, anal retention, the inordinate need to exert control and order.

    Katharine Norwood

    June 19, 2009 at 6:09 am

  4. Everything you need to know about life can be explained by watching every episode of Pete & Pete, or Degrassi. That’s how I learned it, & one day that’s how my kids will learn it.


    June 19, 2009 at 7:13 am

  5. Osaki – Yet again you’ve proved that ‘death’ aside, ‘a wise Japanese man will always know the answer’ is the only certainty is this life.
    Your answer is a hell of a lot more than i bargained for and I seriously thank you for educating me in such a vivid way. I swear to the gods of Sushi – if I had you in High-School, there’s a high possibility something better would’ve came out of me. Thanks again and hope all is well.

    Amanda – Thank you for stopping by. This country needs more ambassadors like you; liberal, well-read and (I assume) good looking. In the words of Virgin Mary – come again!

    Katharine – It is no coincidence that your name has the word ‘Wood’ in it, for your wise additions to Osaki’s words have erected my senses with awe. I thank you for your precious visit and will cherish it forever.

    Deathinfrance – I actually watched Degrassi growing up, believe it or not. I enjoyed the Mullets and the Jeans’ Jackets but I can’t recall anything else worth mentioning. What’s Pete & Pete? Some Fair Trade Coffee show?



    June 19, 2009 at 8:45 am

    • You still have much to learn my friend!

      Wikipedia describes The Adventures of Pete & Pete (as) an American television series produced by Wellsville Pictures and broadcast by Nickelodeon. The show featured humorous and surreal elements in its narrative, and many recurring themes centered on two brothers both named Pete Wrigley, and their various interactions with family, friends, and enemies.

      I would describe it as “Hella’ fuckn’ ballz to the wallz amazing!”


      June 19, 2009 at 9:28 am

  6. Nothing to add. Just really, really enjoyed this post.


    June 19, 2009 at 11:35 am

  7. i think that just about covers it; i have nothing to add. in fact, i can’t even come up with a moderately witty remark. (but have you seen my screen name?!)

    • Very nice…:-)
      Good to see ya, Brooklyn…was in your building this afternoon, not lots of action on fridays down there, ha?


      June 19, 2009 at 9:10 pm

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