Life, America, Randomness

Save a Child, Get a Pet

with 4 comments

Desperate Housewife

Listen up Yanks, a child is not a dog.
True, some kids are so ugly they’re a living proof that Man came from the apes, but even that animalistic resemblance does not justify such horrible treatment.

I’ve noticed these child-to-dog converters everywhere, and it seems mostly common within White, ‘apple pie’ families.  I asked around in bewilderment why do people do this to their whelps and received numerous replies, the majority of them pointing out fear of child abduction as the cause.

Now I can’t even start to imagine how it feels to have your child kidnapped, and I would gladly assist in making the kidnappers inhale their own urine for the rest of their lives if I’ll ever lay my hands on one of them. But using a leash as a preventative act is castrating, both physically, and emotionally. It’s horrible watching these little kids trying to explore and discover the world while they’re pulled from behind like a choked horse.

If you fear for your child hold his hand. Pick him up, piggyback the tot. But in the name of Miley Cyrus – Don’t use a leash as if your child is a four months old Chiwawa named Butch.

Regardless of how joyful this mother and son look like in this perfectly situated advertising photograph, shit ain’t right. Jesus would not have approved.


Written by Frankelstache

June 24, 2009 at 8:20 pm

4 Responses

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    I used to think that these were ridiculous too, but then I realized that the child actually has MORE freedom than just holding a parent’s hand. They have a circular range that allows them to go further from the parent and explore more….just not too far.

    Regardless, after owning 2 dogs that I walk on leashes I would never put one on a child.

    Come on though…..look how HAPPY he is!!!! The wee tyke.

    Amanda Blog and Kiss

    June 25, 2009 at 2:09 am

    • thank you for this link. Nicole Kidman was super hot before she became super scary. I really feel like hiding when I see her now. but I digress.

      Maybe i’ll know more when i have a child that is uncontrollable. Then again I’d be much happier (seriously) if he / she cracks his head open – like his old man did – while running around than attached to me.

      he does look happy…like a dog on a walk! 🙂



      June 25, 2009 at 11:29 am

  2. It’s a crime against evolution & undeserved help for bad parents. I’m sorry, but dumb kids are suppose to be weeded out of society, not encourages to live in it.

    When I was a kid, I was allowed to run around department stores & hit people with my Thunder Cat’s sword & you know what learned by doing it? I learned I was being an asshole & to knock that shit off. But of course back then you didn’t need to be someone’s parent to have permission to hit them.


    June 25, 2009 at 5:50 am

    • Couldn’t agree more on the dumb kids, Death. Though I think the issue here is dumb parents. I always claimed that it’s very..hmm…dangerous that you don’t need a license to reproduce. I’m no AH, but back to what you said – dumb kids don’t fall from the sky, they’re created in the sack.

      Thanks for your comment.


      June 25, 2009 at 11:33 am

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