Life, America, Randomness

Death Comes To Us All

with 5 comments

For tragic reasons, for the past week I kept hearing “This is how / what he would have wanted it”, “He died happy, doing something he love”, “he would have hated this”, “He would have loved that”.

More often than not, when someone close to us dies we’re pretty dead on sure what / how he / she would have wanted his / her death to be treated. Or do we really?

So today I wanted to write about how I would want the Frankelstache aftermath to look like, and on the way make some clarifications bout how, why and were I want to be when it’s time for me to send myself back to god knows where.

1st, I really want people to get drunk and feast like there’s no tomorrow. Heck, I’ll even put some money aside in my will to sponsor my own funeral and assure it’s catered with some mouthwatering pork ribs, and screw all of my religious Jew / Muslim friends. Hopefully they’ll be too drunk to say ‘no’ anyhow.
2nd, I don’t want anyone to write anything on my Facebook wall once I’ve departed. If we were Facebook friends, then there’s an 80% we’re not really friends anyhow, so do us all a favor and save your typing fingers for some quality porn sites.
3rd, in terms of cause / location, I always said that I’d prefer saying my farewells after either a good steak, a wonderful dump or an epic intercourse session. The thing is, perishing during a meal means choking, which isn’t fun based on all the fish I’ve slaughtered when I was young. Dying in the restroom could be very messy not to mention smelly, and dropping while banging could leave The Woman I Love pretty traumatized, which isn’t a nice thing to do to her lovely heart.
I guess I need to think about this a tad more before I make a decision.

4th, I want to die knowing I’ve chased my dreams and have achieved them. Want to go knowing I chose life, and that I steered the Frankelstache ship all the way through, even if it crashed once, twice or twelve times. I take no consolation in hearing that those who die young were full of potential, up-and-coming and ready to take over the world. Fuck that shit. Potential is what people say you have when they don’t want to tell you that right now, you suck. So lastly, I want to die old and be buried back home, at the Kibbutz.

I wish everyone that reads this (including myself) decades of health and love.


Written by Frankelstache

July 9, 2009 at 3:11 pm

Posted in Life, Random

Tagged with , , , , ,

5 Responses

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  1. You know, not even in death but in life too, it really urks me when people decide what’s best for others without consulting them on the matter. But we digress, yet another moving blog on the subject of loss & life Frank, glad you can approach it with a humorous attitude.

    I just want to assure you that if your time comes before mine I’ll defiantly get pissed drunk on your behalf, & then gorge myself on ribs. Done & done, good sir. Also, I’d never dream of talking about you on Facebook, I’d save all the good stories about the antics we’ve never had together for Digg or Readit.

    Now about your ultimate demise. Why not go for all three at once! Eat a steak with your lady on your lap, while sitting on the can. I hear people drop their bowel after they die anyway, so sitting on the toilet would just be courteous to others. Traumatizing as it would be, it’d also be romantic saying you spent your last waking moments making love to the one you care for the most. & go for it, eat a damn steak too! Why the hell wouldn’t you?


    July 10, 2009 at 7:29 am

  2. well, don’t die too soon, i just put you on my blogroll and i’m a busy gal so it’ll stay there for a long time and people will continue to comment about how much potential you had…btw, you don’t suck! ~or do you? naw, scratch that last part. it really doesn’t matter.


    July 26, 2009 at 3:32 pm

  3. I have never in all my years heard it called “session of intercourse.” But I imagine that’s how robots would talk when they’re about to do the nasty.


    August 7, 2009 at 12:55 am

    • Hi Mike,

      I sense from your note that you are in fact an old man.



      August 7, 2009 at 1:55 pm

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