Life, America, Randomness

How Significant Is College

with 11 comments

I never attended college. Heck, I barely even attended Middle School. My academic resume includes rejection and ejection from the system at age 16, and sneaking my way into a creative Portfolio Program at 23 (most likely because the owner is 134 years old and his much younger wife will accept anyone willing to issue a check). With that said, I’ve written letters on behalf of many of my friends who aspired to get accepted into various establishments, and (knock on Ron Jeremy’s wood), I have an amazing perfect success rate, thus far. I’m especially conceited due to my latest achievement, getting one of my best friends into Medical School. Good luck, EK!

Will my lack of college education thwart me as I move forward in life? Most likely it will, especially here in Uncle Sam’s land where it seems like even the dumbest living (Caucasian) organism has some sort of post high-school learning.
This got me thinking about the various degrees people obtain during their college years, and how essential those degrees are for their life.

BFA in Ancient Greek Poetry – “This degree together with my ‘Trader Joe’s’ arm tattoo and an emo haircut will give me lots of street-cred within the Hipster community. It will aid me in articulating my rage toward America’s imperialism as I scream with zealous I would move to France if I didn’t need unemployment checks.“
P.S. “Nobody gets my art.”

Undergraduate in Computer Science –  “I spent $100,000 on tuition to learn how to make a Power Point Presentation and I look forward to a life of fixing people’s emails. With my vast IT knowledge only Asians will understand me, so I’ll naturally spend most of my work conferences inside a massage parlor, begging for a happy ending.”
P.S. “I have a mohawk cause I’m a rebel, so don’t let the suit fool you, fool.”

BA in French – “Since I never left America (call me a patriot), this will be awesome. I’ll eat escargot and make love with chicks that don’t shave their armpits. Sure, I’ll miss Wal-Mart and Baseball, but hey, I’ll learn lots of pick up lines.”
P.S. “It’s Freedom Fries, motherfucker.”

Business Administration – “I took all of my classes online so I can graduate in the nude. My Professor’s avatar told me it foresees a bright future for me managing a Mickey D’s branch but I’m thinking I’m much more of a JC Penney’s type of guy.”
P.S. “My name is Jud and I’m a Phoenix.“

All jokes aside, I will still gladly change places with either of the above, make no mistake about it. I feel that not pursuing a higher education was a misstep in retrospect, especially given the new American economic reality. One of these days I’ll get my degree, though, I’m sure. Even if only to prove to myself I am capable of doing that. My college experience won’t include beer bongs, hazing or popping 18 year-old cherries. It might be the first step I take as I change careers, it might be purely for my intellectual entertainment and enrichment. One way or the other, I promise to find my old teacher’s house afterward and urinate all over the bitch’s lawn.


Written by Frankelstache

July 15, 2009 at 12:08 am

11 Responses

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  1. well if it doesn’t include beer bongs…silly american, just buy your degree.. regarding computer science:certification is where it’s at these days..


    July 15, 2009 at 4:33 am

  2. Yeah, Lynn is right. It’s all about the piece of paper.


    July 15, 2009 at 9:23 am

    • So does that mean you guys are all computer geeks?

      I feel so out of place…


      July 15, 2009 at 10:40 am

      • I draw pictures using a computer, it’s like being paid to never grow up. If I draw outside the lines I just say it’s progressive art & people stop questioning it. I’ll throw out buzz words like “pallet,” or “spectrum,” to impress all the people who need impressing & earn my pats on the head. When they do that I‘ll have a big smile on my face, but on the inside I’m dying very slowly & painful death.


        July 15, 2009 at 11:14 am

      • deathinfrance, i’d love to learn more about graphic arts. no, not a computer geek either~ just a power user here however, Trippin Rip over at my site is an all around computer guru with his varied background in computer science for which he has a degree.


        July 16, 2009 at 5:41 am

  3. LOSTL! I never went to college either. Im training to be a great actor though! So no matter what you do, stick with your journey as it will always set you right!



    Bob Trusty

    July 16, 2009 at 12:34 am

    • Thanks, Robert.

      your last name is really interesting. What’s its origin? does it depict your ancestors’ profession? I assume they were people one should and can trust.

      The Woman I Love (A government employee) always say that if her last name was based on her job she will be “N. Bureaucrat”



      July 16, 2009 at 3:43 pm

  4. Yup! This is why you’re a funny man.

    I’m the last option. And it’s all so very true.

    Amanda Blog and Kiss

    July 16, 2009 at 7:24 am

    • Ha. Amsterdam students are a category of their own…

      How’s Glasgow? I once cried watching Braveheart, thought it was a phenomenal movie. Then again it was before I knew Mel’s middle name is Adolf.



      July 16, 2009 at 3:46 pm

      • Glasgow rocked my socks. I didn’t run into James McAvoy as I had hoped, but there was enough drink to keep me distracted. And shopping. Oh and 2 art museums, just to say we got some culture.

        Amanda Blog and Kiss

        July 17, 2009 at 1:29 am

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