Life, America, Randomness

Super Truper

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Every person dreams about being a superhero at least once in his / her life. I never did. Fuck Batman, Aquaman and their clones. Why the fuck would I wanna be stuck dressed in tights all day long or become half man – half spider? That doesn’t sound so appealing to me. Superman was not a fashionista, to say the least and the whole living as your alter ego business sounds like too much work, frankly.

Did I mention a superhero’s horrible moral code? It seems like they feel like they have to rescue every old lady that loses her cat – and god forbid if not. The worst thing you can do to a superhero is chain him to a chair (one he can’t escape, though, dummy) and force him to watch you torture someone ruthlessly. If I get tied to a chair I can’t escape, all I care about is not getting raped with a chainsaw, I could care less about some random stranger I don’t even know. But superheroes, man, they live by a different code.

Nevertheless, with their painfully irritating ethics and not so craftily designed costumes come super powers, which is something I might be interested in, somewhat. So I thought of gathering up a list of super powers I aspire to attain one of these days.

1. The ability to eradicate other people’s cell phone reception with my own mind.

2. The power to teach pets to make me a Mango Lasi whenever I crave it.

3. The skill to bbq meat to perfection – with a sneeze.

4. The gift of poop that needs no wiping in the aftermath.

5. The aptitude to erase tattoos with my magic saliva.

6. The capacity to cure women’s acne with my sperm.

7. The handiness to silence screaming babies with a wink.

8. The dexterity to move my name to the top of every weekend-brunch-place’s waiting list with a smile.

9. The means to make myself a delicious Ruben Sandwich even if I don’t have any ingredient.

10. I guess that being able to fly can be cool, too.


Written by Frankelstache

August 5, 2009 at 5:44 pm

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