Frankelstache

Life, America, Randomness

Archive for October 2009

Good Shabbas Video

with 5 comments

A new tradition emerges here on the Stache’s lair: Good Shabbas Video.

This week, we’ll learn how one wrong move can make people laugh at you for a lifetime.

Written by Frankelstache

October 30, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Halloween Sayings

with 5 comments

I always hear guys say “Women dress like sluts in Halloween because that’s how they want to dress daily in their heart of hearts.”

So based on that, do all men secretly aspire to be Cross-dressers?

Written by Frankelstache

October 29, 2009 at 9:29 am

Pooch Went Through Castration Yesterday.

with 7 comments

Will I ever be able to look him in the eyes?

 

 

 

I had to trim your testicles

Doesn’t mean that I don’t care

I love you just as much

I know your manhood is like air

 

Mango had balls

But not anymore

Not anymore

Society won the battle

Mango will win the war

 

Mango you’re my pooch

A friend, an ally and a beast

Don’t take this personally

We promised the rescue

And your humping had to cease

 

Mango had balls

But not anymore

Not anymore

Society won the battle

 

You will never be a father

Not a husband probably

As well

But some bitches are smarter

Will love your impotency

Just the same

 

Mango had balls

But not anymore

Not anymore

 

Now you feel confused

I wanna sympathize

As much as I can

I will try and be supportive

To your penis I’m a fan

 

Mango had balls

But not anymore

 

Painkillers are addictive

So we need to take it slow

Pooping will feel difficult

But that’s just how life goes.

 

Mango had balls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Written by Frankelstache

October 27, 2009 at 10:42 am

Music is Love. Faith is Love.

with 4 comments

Christian rock entices me. I’d like to electronically bow in front of the luminous whiz kid who came up with this idea. I bet you’re all speculating what were the chronicles that brought upon this fabulous phenomenon. The truth is I don’t know for sure. But if I had to guess…

I imagine a late Monday night emergency meeting in the basement of some small town church. The reverend, still exhausted from a full week of molesting the entire 8th grade gospel choir, shakes his head in disbelief after another low attendance Sunday Mass and says aloud in front of the bearded nuns and a few key members of the community:

“Oh Lord thy great who is wise and more alluring than a free-of-charge pedophilia website: how can I bring Jesus into the heart of my community?”

The lord, of course, didn’t answer. But Mrs. Archer, a concerned mother of Irish descent took her turn in speaking, ending the uncomfortable silence and replying to the holy man by saying: “Listen you piece of shit pervert. My 7 year old told me you fondled him in the chancel three days ago.”

“He enjoyed it and was fully engaged!” said the priest. “He should be grateful for my semen.”

Okay sorry people. I guess this post has taken a few wrong turns and I’m losing it a tad. Let me go back to my main point – Christian rock. It’s awesome. Here’s one of my favorite songs. I got it on iTunes. Love it. Now I’d like to dissect it as if I’m back in High-School because I loved doing that. My comments are in bold.

“Awake”

As time went on

I opened up my eyes

Never really knew me

You don’t know what’s deep inside – This is a nice start. Can still end up being a normal song. Somewhat deep, I can feel an epiphany approaching.

Just so you know I’ll never be like you– Wow. Why the hostility all of a sudden?

I’ll take what God has made me – Why don’t you take it. And shove it. Up your ass.

I’m not an empty shell – You’re a shell full of shit.

And I hope they see

Instead of following – You know that praying and church et al. is basically “following”? I mean all things aside, ‘Christianity’ isn’t really synonymous with ‘Precede’.

Finally awake – Morning.

I’m feel alive today – Cause you drank wine and was told it’s blood. P.S. you have grammar mistakes. Even I can tell.

I feel everything – Feel that..? no? how bout now? no? oh well.

It’s all so clear to me – As predicted, the epiphany arrives in serendipitous fashion.

How many times

Have I hated who I was – nuff’ with the hate already.

Lost sight of what defines me

‘cause of airbrush magazines – Yes! How many times indeed? I ask myself that often.

But now I’ve come

To cherish who I am

Sick and tired of faking

A life that wasn’t mine – Where have I heard this before? Oh right, The Anna Nicole Smith Show.

Finally awake

I’m feel alive today

I feel everything

It’s all so clear to me – Fucking a man. Good for you.

I’m alive

It’s all so clear to me

I’m alive

It’s all so clear to me – okay we get it. You don’t need to repeat every sentence.

And I hope they see – Are you just hoping or are you praying as well?

I feel everything – Great motherfucking ending line. Powerful shit man.

Written by Frankelstache

October 25, 2009 at 11:13 pm

Don’t You Just Hate it When

with 7 comments

you’re facebook stalking someone and he / she can’t even adjust their photos to be vertical?

Written by Frankelstache

October 16, 2009 at 1:23 pm

Lo And Behold- Winter

with 3 comments

Losing an umbrella during a rainstorm is like losing food in the holocaust.

Written by Frankelstache

October 16, 2009 at 7:19 am

Posted in Humor

Tagged with , , , , ,

A Trip in Words

with 5 comments

Parents got older,

Friends got married

People got ruder,

Grandma still buried.

Life got expensive-r,

Water sources got depleted

Little girls turned women,

Corruption remains untreated.

Right Wing got extremer,

Religion more popular

Food still tastier,

Views got spectacular.

Healthcare still free,

Summer weather mainly rules

From school everybody flee,

Education is run by tools.

1,095 days later

Life here do seem better.

Written by Frankelstache

October 15, 2009 at 7:02 am