Life, America, Randomness

Mingling Codes

with 12 comments

We advertising people sustain an interesting combination of having an immense ego, alongside the self-esteem of a head to toe pimpled 13-year-old girl. That’s why no other industry (Entertainment aside) celebrates itself more proudly and often than ours. Award shows, publications, interviews. If there’s a way to prove that we’re the coolest, smartest, have the best motherfucking jobs, prettiest people the world has ever encountered – we’ll be there.

Last night I attended a Networking event. The nice people of Adobe hosted a bunch of pompous ‘creatives’ and other ad characters. They fed us really well, gave us lots of free booze and even a fancy nametag. Some random dude spoke about the marketing of tomorrow and how the Internet Is amazing and Twitter will change the world and so on and so forth. So I sat there. And listened. God. This is so ridiculous it’s not even funny. It never ceases to amaze me how my industry honestly believes it’s doing sacred work, acting like we saves lives, believe it or not.

But back to my point, after the speakers called a halt the entire room dove deep into the fake and narcissistic world of networking. Now I unassumingly believe I can be very charming at times. I’m fairy nice to look at and can bullshit with confidence about an array of matters. Yet, I’d probably prefer being gang raped in my ear by a herd of silverback raccoons than mingle my way through two and a half hours.

What is it with you Americans that love these atrociousness chitchats so much?

Of course, no networking event can be successful without the gracious help of some key characters, and being that I’m all about serving the public, I’ve narrowed them down to a science:

1. The woman that drinks like she never met free white wine before.

2. The gay man, causing a qualm whether flirting with him in your career’s name makes you a certified whore.

3. The woman in Über high heels that draws despondency rather than attention.

4 The guy that doesn’t know a soul in the building and pretends he’s extremely interested in evaluating the typography of his beer bottle for an hour (that’ll be me).

5. The guy that doesn’t know a soul in the building yet speaks to everyone, spreading awkwardness as he gazes for his next victim.

6. The woman that didn’t come here to find a date but if it happens it must be destiny.

7. The guy who came to get laid.

8. The event’s host, relentlessly speaking to e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e without purpose.

9. The catering staff that came for the tips but has to suffer pointless conversations with characters 4 & 5.

10. The guard that simply wants all you assholes to go home already and get a fucking life.


Written by Frankelstache

November 5, 2009 at 11:24 am

12 Responses

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  1. frankelstache, i wouldv’e probably pegged you for a number #4. this is a good post and it tells us a lot about you in general. you have an uncanny ability to read people it seems.


    November 5, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    • Thanks Lynn!

      Way to make me feel nakedly revealed..

      Yeah…reading people is one of my favorite hobbies. I’d say I have a nice 60-40 ratio between legit conclusions / assumptions to legit BS.



      November 5, 2009 at 11:26 pm

  2. Also a number 4. Well, maybe a bit of 1 too. But to be honest I’m really quite shy in large groups, so I have to will myself not to shred my napkin or get too drunk too quickly. Because if you’re not talking, you’ve got to do something with your mouth, so why not…drink.
    (That sentence could have gone so many ways….all of them wrong….)

    Amanda Blog and Kiss

    November 6, 2009 at 3:19 am

    • Haha. Admittedly I took this to a some of those wrong places!



      November 10, 2009 at 10:25 am

      • omg thank you for changing 1! I’d been uncomfortable with saying I was a 1 because of that one little word. That word totally wasn’t true. The rest totally is, I’m afraid. (glug)

        Amanda Blog and Kiss

        November 11, 2009 at 6:03 am

      • we’re on the same wave sista


        November 13, 2009 at 12:17 pm

  3. I’ve been character number 9 on plently of occasions and I can relate to how accurate this list is. Usually us and number 10 are the same person.


    November 7, 2009 at 6:50 am

    • JAY-JAY,

      That’s a fair statement, but have you considered the fact that you might be suffering from a Dissociative identity disorder?!




      November 10, 2009 at 10:27 am

  4. You forgot another category – spouse that gets dragged a long and feels fat and ugly compared to the woman in uber high heels or the woman who never met free white wine (from a box) before.

    The Woman You Love

    November 10, 2009 at 9:28 am

    • Would you look at that. THE guest of honor has finally arrived! Haven’t been this excited since my Bar Mitzvah.

      I prefer the term “Significant other”. And don’t complain too much, we need to go through similar shenanigans Friday night.

      By all means – come again

      p.s. Don’t get in trouble for this, a?


      November 10, 2009 at 10:30 am

    • Three Cheers! She really does exist!!! 🙂 (Not that I doubted your suaveness, Frankelstache….more that I was impressed by your “creative storytelling skills”.)

      Amanda Blog and Kiss

      November 11, 2009 at 6:02 am

      • It’s true…if you actually believe that I’m not a figment of the stache’s demented mind.

        The Woman You Love

        November 13, 2009 at 2:15 pm

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