Life, America, Randomness

An Open Letter to Kitchen Scavengers

with 5 comments

Perhaps the most annoying thing in the world is when uncalled, uninvited, and most importantly, culinary retarded¬† guests go inside my kitchen and lift open my rice lid. I mean, what the fuck are you doing? You can’t even bring an omelet to a satisfactory mode, so why, in the name of Sarah Palin’s fine ass,¬† do you think it’s okay for you to walk into my kitchen and open a lid or crack open the oven while I’m baking?

Now I admit that I’d still be uber mad even if Masaharu Morimoto will ruin my rice by opening the lid while it cooks. But at least that dude earned the right to enter the kitchen and open any fucking lid he wants. But for people who have no clue to do the same…..that’s exasperating.

Can you imagine yourself walking into the operating room and playing darts with the scalpels? Looking under the hood in the middle of a child delivery? GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN. You do not belong in here. There’s no reason to believe you can contribute anything with your toddler-like capabilities.


Written by Frankelstache

November 22, 2009 at 9:40 am

Posted in Life

Tagged with , , , ,

5 Responses

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  1. Wow. How many people are roaming thru your kitchen, lifting your rice lid? Methinks that whomever the culprit is is gonna need some paxils.


    November 24, 2009 at 10:23 am

    • Dear Hollywood.
      Nice use of some big words!

      To answer your question, this is more of a philosophic rant then a pragmatic one. Nonetheless when people do roam around my kitchen, this often happens, and that’s when philosophy turns into reality.

      Lovely seeing you here!


      November 27, 2009 at 8:29 am

  2. Dude, I can totally relate to this post.

    I’ve been a Chef for 16 years and there is nothing more infuriating that some gormless fuck-wit blundering about with a process they know little or nothing about and only claim to have an interest in on account of having watched some TV program.


    November 26, 2009 at 4:46 am

    • I knew you’d understand.

      I’d pay some good money to see a video of someone explaining to you the process of emulsion.



      November 27, 2009 at 8:31 am

  3. uh oh…. I didn’t think other people knew about us playing darts with the scalpels


    November 27, 2009 at 12:40 pm

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