Frankelstache

Life, America, Randomness

Posts Tagged ‘Anal

My Fashion Halo, Part I

with 7 comments

As all three of you readers (may have) noticed, I haven’t written anything in awhile. The reason being that unlike my freelance days, full-time employment is a) exhausting, b) laborious and c) sucking every bit of inspiration and creativity out of me. It’s almost the best blowjob I ever got, and similarly, it’s going to be a mess once it’s over.

Nonetheless, all us dearly beloved have gathered here today to talk about fashion. Chic. Attire.

Working in a very fashion-progressive environment that almost forces one to express himself via clothing, turns every day into a struggling battle. Knock on wood, I’ve been blessed with having pretty much every material need taken care of throughout my life. But my wardrobe still resembles that of an 8 year-old kid in Angola. I have 3-4 tshirts, 2 pairs of pants and a handful of underwear. Shoes etc. were always somewhat of a privilege, probably because of the sizzling Israeli summers that required barefoot-ness. In any case, I had to get a real makeover before starting this thingy here in CO. This made The Woman I Love exceptionally ecstatic, but before the shopping spree began, I was dreading like an anal virgin, minutes before the lube comes out of the drawer.

So we went…and spent…and then spent some more….all in the name of making a good impression. Soon enough I was armed with a plethora of nakedness-hiding gear. The Woman I Love chose famous brands and contemporary designs, navigating between the need to hide my beer belly and the desire to emphasize my unibrow and nose-hair. It felt odd to wear all these clothes that have buttons and neckbands. Still feels odd. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to it. The saddest thing about all these fashion shenanigans is that I ended up still looking like a shlump. Okay, stop for a minute – I make this sound way worse than it is. It’s still Advertising, and it’s still casual. No one wears a suit or anything, unless they’re trying to be ironic. We’re talking basic polos, some sweaters and reasonably tight jeans. Still, I can wait to hopefully finish these three months and go back to wearing my 3-4tshirts.

I have much more to add about general American dress code, and general fashion tips from my inner Tim Gun, but I’ll spare them for now. Maybe in part II of this.

Frankelstache out.

P.S. happy Holocaust day!

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Written by Frankelstache

April 12, 2010 at 8:58 am

Anal-ism

with 10 comments

Something’s been bugging me for a while now. Not really sure why I remembered it all of a sudden. It’s late, I’m watching an MTV show about 16 year old White Trash girls that got Britney-ied* and I guess you could say I’m still under the influences of Queen, that’s been playing in the background for the past hour.

At any case, I have another English inquiry I wanted to talk about. You know I came to America a tad less than three years ago thinking / knowing that the word ‘Anal’ has to do with one’s anus, and is more often than not used when describing an activity closely related to but-banging. Faster than the time it takes a republican to answer ‘Jesus’ when asked who’s got his back, I learned that ‘Anal’ isn’t a language taboo, but actually socially accepted – and can, at certain occasions, be seen as a compliment.

Time had passed and I learned more and more about the American use of the English language. I avidly read Krakuer’s awesome books, surreptitiously studied H. Fleming’s eye-opening poetry and diligently watched a few Hannah Montana episodes, yet the story behind Anal’s transition from a sodomy-descriptive adjective to an allegory illustrating a detailed-oriented / control-freak person has yet to exposed itself in front of my daunted eyes.

The first explanation I came up with was that apparently all these Librarians / OCD Soccer Moms must really like it up the ass. But that seemed like a bigger urban legend than “Woody Allen used to make great movies” so I decided to forego it. Then I thought that maybe it’s because the anus is a very tight and squeezed place, and that so-called ‘anal’ people really enjoy small and tight places cause they can fit things inside of it (by category) and label it perfectly. But that, too, sounded like a far-fetched idea. Lastly, I went as far as exploring the possibility that the correlation between the two uses stems from the fact that a vagina lubes itself free-willingly (well, somewhat) while the ass’s lubrication levels can and must be controlled – and anal people like control. But that was just too out there and I thought no one is that twisted.

So now I turn to you. Can someone please put me out of my misery and explain, once and for all what’s the deal?

* Knocked up

Written by Frankelstache

June 18, 2009 at 11:36 pm