Life, America, Randomness

Posts Tagged ‘Ann Coulter

In a Perfect World….

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Did you see the Absolute Vodka campaign “In an Absolute World”?
In essence, this campaign involves ads portraying how our world would look like if it were perfect (absolute). I find the campaign somewhat dumb, yet at the same time pretty cool. There has to be endless amounts of ads one can produce out of it, which is a great basic way to measure an idea. But I digress.

Now I know that there are a lot of politically correct issues and a gazillion barriers and rules that prevents from the creative team to truly explore this idea, and that’s why some of their ads are lame. But since it’s late, and I got nothing better to do, I figured I’d throw in a few suggestions. Heck, I won’t even charge ‘em for my unsolicited idiocy.

In an Absolute World:

Fresh (Jewish) semen would cure women’s acne.

Bandanas will be illegal unless you have cancer.

Ann Coulter will be ganged-banged by a mob of liberal voters.

Facebook will die.

Hipsters will apprehend (not in an ironic way) how pathetic they look.

Humans won’t be able to feel guilt after a meal.

Breast reduction technology will disappear.

There will be no more Star-Wars movies / shows / paraphernalia.

People who reference Seinfeld will be deemed as holocaust deniers.


Written by Frankelstache

May 5, 2009 at 12:42 am

Language Issues

with 3 comments

Idioms. Figures of speech. You know, the kind of stuff people say all the time. Things that don’t make any sense on their own. Since English is my second language, I often find myself baffled in the middle of a conversation (happens to me two-three times a week). Obviously, certain things make sense, like if you come up to me and say “That woman is a wolf in a sheep’s clothing”.  I get it, cause I know sheep are harmless and dumb, and I also know wolfs are conniving dicks that enjoy slaughtering grandmas and raping* under aged girls dressed in red. But when someone I converse with suddenly announces, “I have an Axe to grind with you”, I must wonder if the dude read one too many Ann Coulter books**.

Sorry, but I have to rant about the low-quality and incomprehensibleness of some of these great American idioms (and figures of speech / common sayings):

“Turn on a dime” – What does that mean? Turn the dime ‘on’? How do you do that? Do you play with its clitoris? Suck on its nipples? What if the dime’s having a headache? So after Nicole Richie, now Dimes are sex icons? Gee, thanks America.

“Beat A Dead Horse” – What is this? A violent type of necrophilia? I know that in selected countries clubbing seals is considered a sport, but beating a dead horse has to be more peculiar than Californians voting for a Republican to govern them. Twice. What the hell is wrong with you people?

“Know something backwards and forward” – is this the definition of gay people who are both ‘Top’ and ‘Bottom’?

“A baker’s dozen” –One of the most derogatory and obnoxious generalization one can make. Is it to imply that all bakers are dumb? That they can’t count? That they’re all obese? That bakers are liars? That they’re not to be trusted? And how am I supposed to know it means 13? Why do you say ‘dozen’ if you mean 13? It’s wrong, man.

“Shoot the shit” – like, literally? Who’s shit? some shits are mushier than others, I hear.

“Cut off your nose to spite your face” – I give up.

Feel free to suggest some more with your comments…

* Oh he would’ve gotten there if given a chance, you know he would’ve.
** Notorious for frying your brain cells to the point of no return.

Written by Frankelstache

March 7, 2009 at 11:31 pm