Frankelstache

Life, America, Randomness

Posts Tagged ‘Capitalism

Help Obama Sell Healthcare

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In response to this:

Here are some headlines to aid in this democratic struggle. So why change the current state of Healthcare?

1. Because ‘Freedom’ is having your herpes cured for free.

2. Because Hospital employees smell worse than your neighborhood bums.

3. So the homeless will die healthy.

4. You’re unemployed and have no retirement – do you really think you have a choice?

5. So Jesus can work his miracles.

6. Because Bush would never do it and that’s all the reassurance we need.

7. Cause Doogie Houser is gay.

8. Because Doctors are obnoxious, keep them off the streets.

9. Because Meth lab employees are getting furloughed.

10. So Jewish mothers will continue to develop complexes.

Written by Frankelstache

September 16, 2009 at 4:53 pm

Capitalism, Advertising, Recession, No advertising

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Dear Business owner,

I always describe the Marketing / Advertising industry as the Horse upon which the Knight of Capitalism rides. It’s the rifle in the Capitalism soldier’s hands. The pan used by the chef. You get the point.
Throughout the years, I’ve read some mind-blowing books that bashed and slashed the M/A industry, blaming it for everything that’s wrong in this world – from sweatshops in China through credit debt in America and all the way to faulting M/A for the self-centered, detached state of mind that rules the Western hemisphere. And although some of these mind-blowing authors (Naomi Klein, Kalle Lasn – and I truly recommend reading them*) are worse hypocrites than fat hipsters, I must concur that M/A has, in fact, caused lots of anguish to many different people** and is definitely accountable for many wrongdoings in today’s society.

Moreover, it is long known that the more money is bestowed upon an industry, general consumers are vividly eager to spend their dough purchasing products. It’s very simple actually: when businesses market and advertise, consumers shop. That’s how it works.
Case in point – Estimations talk about $2 Billion a year spent on Advertising by Pharmaceutical companies in the US, and the real number may be way higher.  Now according to a study by Readers Digest, in 2007, Americans had spent $7.5 billion on vitamins. Nuff said.

Lastly, every old hag in Turkistan can quote the financial experts, claiming that the best catalyst to get out of this economic mess will be the American public’s spending habits going back to normal.

So, if it’s a known thing that M/A is what pushes Capitalism forward, how come that the M/A budgets are the first to shrink (more like disappear) when businesses try to conserve themselves during a recession?  I never went to business school, never ran my own operation (also never sniffed cocaine out of a Supermodel’s vagina but that’s besides the point) and can’t say I’m a certified financial wiz, but this looks like a simple equation.

Dear business owner,
If you’re forced to cut your budget, fire your whorish looking assistant and cut back on The Fruit Guys. Don’t touch that M/A budget. It’s your best shot of staying alive.

* Culture Jam and No Logo are a must.
** Eating disorders and obesity, to name a few.

Written by Frankelstache

May 29, 2009 at 8:11 am

May Day

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So today is the day of the worker, a holiday that emerged out of the beliefs of Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels and their partners in crime. This being America, no one really knows what does that mean. Having spent (some part of) my day wearing a red shirt, receiving no signs of public acknowledgment or appreciation, I began to ponder where this country is heading. Calling someone a ‘commie’ was once the English language’s worst abuse, an honor that’s now reserved to the word ‘cunt’. Being a commie was essentially being a traitor – dooming you to be hang by the KKK as if you were a gay Jewish African American who also has one chromosome too much.

But now these days are gone and Obama is the King of America. Many people, most of them reside within the Fox News studios, are blaming Obama for driving this country into communism, socialism, fascism and yes, I heard it with my own ears – Jihadism. Amazing. So this begs the question: Is it so bad to be a tad socialistic? Will America crumble as soon as its capitalistic heart will miss a beat? I mean seriously, what will happen?  Texans will cease from speaking with an accent?  Black people will go to College? Sizzler will unite with Lululemon? Californian will vote for a Republican, twice? Hipsters will gain weight? Peace in the Middle East? Vesuvius will erupt? Bums will win American Idol? Hollywood will be run by apes? Oprah will have a panic attack?

What’s the deal?

America’s Backbone

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Aside from Baseball and steroids, no connection in America is deeper than the one between Americans and the institution that provided them with their post high-school education. In the spirit of March Madness, I thought it’ll be wise to stop and talk about ‘College’ and its significance in American society.

Every nation needs a backbone. Something that will connect EVERYONE, an experience that one way or another had affected all during his or her lifetime. In Israel, for example, it’s the IDF. Mandatory service laws dictate that every 18-year-old Israeli boy or girl has to serve three and two years (respectively) in the national Army. Put the war issues aside, this is a great bonding experience, a true melting pot for society. It’s something every citizen can relate to, a place where everyone meet and are forced to live together and persevere. America doesn’t really have a melting pot, but College is definitely the closest one. In 2004, 52% of Americans attended college. That’s huge. But that’s barely half the country, not to mention I’m way too lazy to break the 52% into socio-economic backgrounds to get a clearer picture (I tried reading the census and failed due to severe boredom).

The reason that this occupies me is that I always felt that if it weren’t for ‘The Arabs’ who are inescapably trying to kill them, Israelis would hate each other to the point of a civil war. But lucky (or not so lucky) for Israel, the fact that the Arabs are trying to annihilate them from the face of this planet unites them. This is obviously not the best of situations, but the result, I believe, is that no other people in the world care for their fellow citizens like Israelis do. Now answer this – does anyone in Santa Monica cares for anyone in Detroit? Better yet, does anyone in Santa Monica cares for anyone in the San Fernando Valley?

How much of this dog eat dog world has to do with the capitalistic nature of Uncle Sam? Is there a fault or blame here? And who cares if there isn’t really a connection? America has done fairly well without it, so does a country even need to have a correlation between its people? And how come people get along here but can’t stop fighting elsewhere? Is it because of Woodstock? Burning Man?

It’s a tad weird to live in a place where the people are so different from each other, so disjointed and far away. I guess America is like a Paralympic Athlete: not all body parts are connected, but they somehow pull it together enough to be champions. Odd metaphor, I know. Now, if in fact ‘College’ is America’s melting pot, and if in fact we’ve established there’s some sort of Paralympics-ness involved here – isn’t it suitable that the man who represents ‘College’ (and as such, connects America) during this fine month of March is Richard ‘Dick’ Vital?

Written by Frankelstache

March 23, 2009 at 8:22 am