Frankelstache

Life, America, Randomness

Posts Tagged ‘Dogs

Pooch Went Through Castration Yesterday.

with 7 comments

Will I ever be able to look him in the eyes?

 

 

 

I had to trim your testicles

Doesn’t mean that I don’t care

I love you just as much

I know your manhood is like air

 

Mango had balls

But not anymore

Not anymore

Society won the battle

Mango will win the war

 

Mango you’re my pooch

A friend, an ally and a beast

Don’t take this personally

We promised the rescue

And your humping had to cease

 

Mango had balls

But not anymore

Not anymore

Society won the battle

 

You will never be a father

Not a husband probably

As well

But some bitches are smarter

Will love your impotency

Just the same

 

Mango had balls

But not anymore

Not anymore

 

Now you feel confused

I wanna sympathize

As much as I can

I will try and be supportive

To your penis I’m a fan

 

Mango had balls

But not anymore

 

Painkillers are addictive

So we need to take it slow

Pooping will feel difficult

But that’s just how life goes.

 

Mango had balls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Written by Frankelstache

October 27, 2009 at 10:42 am

I Must Wonder

with 5 comments

If a Canine’s sense of smell is roughly 5 times stronger than a human’s, how is it that my dog won’t go into anaphylactic shock every time someone breaks wind in his vicinity?

Written by Frankelstache

October 14, 2009 at 7:41 am

Posted in Humor, Random

Tagged with , , , ,

More Dog News

with 13 comments

0 experience The Woman I Love and me have raising puppies. Dog is predestined for therapy.

1 boy named Mango J. Frankelstache The First. Given name is a tad androgynous but nothing else stuck.

2 times I consummated since his arrival. I get less vajayjay than George Michael, Elton John and Idaho Senators altogether.

3 hours and the pup needs to pee. He was blessed with a woman’s bladder.

4 consecutive hours of sleep is the most I’m getting nowadays. I’m awake so much at night, I know all the neighborhood pimps by names.

5 lbs this elfin creature weighs. Just like the perfect boob.

6 times a day we pull out ticks from his dainty body. Like a Trojan Horse, you welcome a gift and get 100’s of horrible insects.

7 weeks are left before he can interact with other dogs. His immune system now is weaker than Michael Jackson’s.

8 different bands / singers I played for him thus far. He seemed to love Pink Floyd the most, the little fascist.

9 different toys he has and had already diminished two. Anger management is imminent.

10 trips to the pet store already. Almost as if he found us on “Sugardaddy.com”

Mango The Labradoodle

Mango J. Frankelstache The First

Written by Frankelstache

July 22, 2009 at 7:26 am

Last Day of Freedom

with 11 comments

The Woman I love
Is pushing for a puppy
We will rescue one,
She says,
This will make me happy.

The dog will be named ‘Poop’
Maybe ‘Chicken’
Or even ‘Sharpie’.
I refuse to put him in a coop
Those crates are simply nasty.

Sharpie / Chicken / Poop
Is hypoallergenic
He was conceived in an orgy
So not so clear about genetic.

Rescuing is pricey
Like a ticket to Antarctica
As if I were Madonna
And the pup just came from Africa.

But The Woman I Love
Is hard to resist
Her hearing is selective
And she knows how to persist.

It goes:
Boyfriend – Plant – Dog – Child
Yes my friends,
That’s how women operate.

But of course that I don’t mind
Just as long as I get to consummate.

Written by Frankelstache

July 16, 2009 at 11:27 pm

Posted in Humor, Random

Tagged with , , , ,

Save a Child, Get a Pet

with 4 comments

Desperate Housewife

Listen up Yanks, a child is not a dog.
True, some kids are so ugly they’re a living proof that Man came from the apes, but even that animalistic resemblance does not justify such horrible treatment.

I’ve noticed these child-to-dog converters everywhere, and it seems mostly common within White, ‘apple pie’ families.  I asked around in bewilderment why do people do this to their whelps and received numerous replies, the majority of them pointing out fear of child abduction as the cause.

Now I can’t even start to imagine how it feels to have your child kidnapped, and I would gladly assist in making the kidnappers inhale their own urine for the rest of their lives if I’ll ever lay my hands on one of them. But using a leash as a preventative act is castrating, both physically, and emotionally. It’s horrible watching these little kids trying to explore and discover the world while they’re pulled from behind like a choked horse.

If you fear for your child hold his hand. Pick him up, piggyback the tot. But in the name of Miley Cyrus – Don’t use a leash as if your child is a four months old Chiwawa named Butch.

Regardless of how joyful this mother and son look like in this perfectly situated advertising photograph, shit ain’t right. Jesus would not have approved.

Written by Frankelstache

June 24, 2009 at 8:20 pm