Life, America, Randomness

Posts Tagged ‘Fashion

My Fashion Halo, Part I

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As all three of you readers (may have) noticed, I haven’t written anything in awhile. The reason being that unlike my freelance days, full-time employment is a) exhausting, b) laborious and c) sucking every bit of inspiration and creativity out of me. It’s almost the best blowjob I ever got, and similarly, it’s going to be a mess once it’s over.

Nonetheless, all us dearly beloved have gathered here today to talk about fashion. Chic. Attire.

Working in a very fashion-progressive environment that almost forces one to express himself via clothing, turns every day into a struggling battle. Knock on wood, I’ve been blessed with having pretty much every material need taken care of throughout my life. But my wardrobe still resembles that of an 8 year-old kid in Angola. I have 3-4 tshirts, 2 pairs of pants and a handful of underwear. Shoes etc. were always somewhat of a privilege, probably because of the sizzling Israeli summers that required barefoot-ness. In any case, I had to get a real makeover before starting this thingy here in CO. This made The Woman I Love exceptionally ecstatic, but before the shopping spree began, I was dreading like an anal virgin, minutes before the lube comes out of the drawer.

So we went…and spent…and then spent some more….all in the name of making a good impression. Soon enough I was armed with a plethora of nakedness-hiding gear. The Woman I Love chose famous brands and contemporary designs, navigating between the need to hide my beer belly and the desire to emphasize my unibrow and nose-hair. It felt odd to wear all these clothes that have buttons and neckbands. Still feels odd. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to it. The saddest thing about all these fashion shenanigans is that I ended up still looking like a shlump. Okay, stop for a minute – I make this sound way worse than it is. It’s still Advertising, and it’s still casual. No one wears a suit or anything, unless they’re trying to be ironic. We’re talking basic polos, some sweaters and reasonably tight jeans. Still, I can wait to hopefully finish these three months and go back to wearing my 3-4tshirts.

I have much more to add about general American dress code, and general fashion tips from my inner Tim Gun, but I’ll spare them for now. Maybe in part II of this.

Frankelstache out.

P.S. happy Holocaust day!


Written by Frankelstache

April 12, 2010 at 8:58 am

Super Truper

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Every person dreams about being a superhero at least once in his / her life. I never did. Fuck Batman, Aquaman and their clones. Why the fuck would I wanna be stuck dressed in tights all day long or become half man – half spider? That doesn’t sound so appealing to me. Superman was not a fashionista, to say the least and the whole living as your alter ego business sounds like too much work, frankly.

Did I mention a superhero’s horrible moral code? It seems like they feel like they have to rescue every old lady that loses her cat – and god forbid if not. The worst thing you can do to a superhero is chain him to a chair (one he can’t escape, though, dummy) and force him to watch you torture someone ruthlessly. If I get tied to a chair I can’t escape, all I care about is not getting raped with a chainsaw, I could care less about some random stranger I don’t even know. But superheroes, man, they live by a different code.

Nevertheless, with their painfully irritating ethics and not so craftily designed costumes come super powers, which is something I might be interested in, somewhat. So I thought of gathering up a list of super powers I aspire to attain one of these days.

1. The ability to eradicate other people’s cell phone reception with my own mind.

2. The power to teach pets to make me a Mango Lasi whenever I crave it.

3. The skill to bbq meat to perfection – with a sneeze.

4. The gift of poop that needs no wiping in the aftermath.

5. The aptitude to erase tattoos with my magic saliva.

6. The capacity to cure women’s acne with my sperm.

7. The handiness to silence screaming babies with a wink.

8. The dexterity to move my name to the top of every weekend-brunch-place’s waiting list with a smile.

9. The means to make myself a delicious Ruben Sandwich even if I don’t have any ingredient.

10. I guess that being able to fly can be cool, too.

Written by Frankelstache

August 5, 2009 at 5:44 pm