Frankelstache

Life, America, Randomness

Posts Tagged ‘Parents

Save a Child, Get a Pet

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Desperate Housewife

Listen up Yanks, a child is not a dog.
True, some kids are so ugly they’re a living proof that Man came from the apes, but even that animalistic resemblance does not justify such horrible treatment.

I’ve noticed these child-to-dog converters everywhere, and it seems mostly common within White, ‘apple pie’ families.  I asked around in bewilderment why do people do this to their whelps and received numerous replies, the majority of them pointing out fear of child abduction as the cause.

Now I can’t even start to imagine how it feels to have your child kidnapped, and I would gladly assist in making the kidnappers inhale their own urine for the rest of their lives if I’ll ever lay my hands on one of them. But using a leash as a preventative act is castrating, both physically, and emotionally. It’s horrible watching these little kids trying to explore and discover the world while they’re pulled from behind like a choked horse.

If you fear for your child hold his hand. Pick him up, piggyback the tot. But in the name of Miley Cyrus – Don’t use a leash as if your child is a four months old Chiwawa named Butch.

Regardless of how joyful this mother and son look like in this perfectly situated advertising photograph, shit ain’t right. Jesus would not have approved.

Written by Frankelstache

June 24, 2009 at 8:20 pm

Words of Wisdom

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Bible states that God almighty gave Moses the Ten Commandments on top of Mount Sinai some gazillion years ago. Some say these rudiments should be the cornerstones of every living person, whether he or she is religious or not.

But it’s been way too long now, man. Lucky for you, my friend R.D. and yours truly have come up with a list of modern-day commandments, one random night about 7 years ago while we were patrolling the Syrian / Israeli border, seeking excitement between one boar-caused alarm to the other .

Principals to live by – Part 1:

1.    Right or wrong – Bullshit with confidence.

2.    A good tractor plows through the mud.

3.    You can’t teach a father how to make babies – but you can teach him new positions.

4.    Don’t use an AK47 against Mikhail Kalashnikov.

5.    If your wife is not at hand, let your hand be your wife.

Written by Frankelstache

June 8, 2009 at 7:01 pm