Frankelstache

Life, America, Randomness

Posts Tagged ‘People Watching

A delayed Good Shabbas Video

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so in the past, we’ve all relished on some quality singing like this amazing vide

But now, I present to you, my friends, the newest most awesomest video involving an asian dude doing Karaoke.

Written by Frankelstache

March 8, 2010 at 2:59 pm

Mingling Codes

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We advertising people sustain an interesting combination of having an immense ego, alongside the self-esteem of a head to toe pimpled 13-year-old girl. That’s why no other industry (Entertainment aside) celebrates itself more proudly and often than ours. Award shows, publications, interviews. If there’s a way to prove that we’re the coolest, smartest, have the best motherfucking jobs, prettiest people the world has ever encountered – we’ll be there.

Last night I attended a Networking event. The nice people of Adobe hosted a bunch of pompous ‘creatives’ and other ad characters. They fed us really well, gave us lots of free booze and even a fancy nametag. Some random dude spoke about the marketing of tomorrow and how the Internet Is amazing and Twitter will change the world and so on and so forth. So I sat there. And listened. God. This is so ridiculous it’s not even funny. It never ceases to amaze me how my industry honestly believes it’s doing sacred work, acting like we saves lives, believe it or not.

But back to my point, after the speakers called a halt the entire room dove deep into the fake and narcissistic world of networking. Now I unassumingly believe I can be very charming at times. I’m fairy nice to look at and can bullshit with confidence about an array of matters. Yet, I’d probably prefer being gang raped in my ear by a herd of silverback raccoons than mingle my way through two and a half hours.

What is it with you Americans that love these atrociousness chitchats so much?

Of course, no networking event can be successful without the gracious help of some key characters, and being that I’m all about serving the public, I’ve narrowed them down to a science:

1. The woman that drinks like she never met free white wine before.

2. The gay man, causing a qualm whether flirting with him in your career’s name makes you a certified whore.

3. The woman in Über high heels that draws despondency rather than attention.

4 The guy that doesn’t know a soul in the building and pretends he’s extremely interested in evaluating the typography of his beer bottle for an hour (that’ll be me).

5. The guy that doesn’t know a soul in the building yet speaks to everyone, spreading awkwardness as he gazes for his next victim.

6. The woman that didn’t come here to find a date but if it happens it must be destiny.

7. The guy who came to get laid.

8. The event’s host, relentlessly speaking to e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e without purpose.

9. The catering staff that came for the tips but has to suffer pointless conversations with characters 4 & 5.

10. The guard that simply wants all you assholes to go home already and get a fucking life.

Written by Frankelstache

November 5, 2009 at 11:24 am

Don’t You Just Hate it When

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you’re facebook stalking someone and he / she can’t even adjust their photos to be vertical?

Written by Frankelstache

October 16, 2009 at 1:23 pm

A Trip in Words

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Parents got older,

Friends got married

People got ruder,

Grandma still buried.

Life got expensive-r,

Water sources got depleted

Little girls turned women,

Corruption remains untreated.

Right Wing got extremer,

Religion more popular

Food still tastier,

Views got spectacular.

Healthcare still free,

Summer weather mainly rules

From school everybody flee,

Education is run by tools.

1,095 days later

Life here do seem better.

Written by Frankelstache

October 15, 2009 at 7:02 am

Save a Child, Get a Pet

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Desperate Housewife

Listen up Yanks, a child is not a dog.
True, some kids are so ugly they’re a living proof that Man came from the apes, but even that animalistic resemblance does not justify such horrible treatment.

I’ve noticed these child-to-dog converters everywhere, and it seems mostly common within White, ‘apple pie’ families.  I asked around in bewilderment why do people do this to their whelps and received numerous replies, the majority of them pointing out fear of child abduction as the cause.

Now I can’t even start to imagine how it feels to have your child kidnapped, and I would gladly assist in making the kidnappers inhale their own urine for the rest of their lives if I’ll ever lay my hands on one of them. But using a leash as a preventative act is castrating, both physically, and emotionally. It’s horrible watching these little kids trying to explore and discover the world while they’re pulled from behind like a choked horse.

If you fear for your child hold his hand. Pick him up, piggyback the tot. But in the name of Miley Cyrus – Don’t use a leash as if your child is a four months old Chiwawa named Butch.

Regardless of how joyful this mother and son look like in this perfectly situated advertising photograph, shit ain’t right. Jesus would not have approved.

Written by Frankelstache

June 24, 2009 at 8:20 pm

Please Forgive Me

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Any person visiting America will tell you that the 1st thing that strikes him (tall buildings and black people dating Asian chicks aside) is the amount of time strangers ask for his forgiveness.

Ambling the streets or strolling any random store used to be exhausting for me. Furthermore, I suspect I started developing a mild case of guilt complex from all the aliens who engaged me in “I’m Sorry” tête-à-tête. Every time a person walked within 10 meters of me – “Excuse me.” When someone was looking at the same shirt I was checking out on the shelf – “oh, Sorry”. When my eyes met a pretty girl’s eyes and we stared at each other for a split second – “Sorry”.

Why do Americans apologize so often? Is it one of those “I was raised in a Catholic School and the nuns used to rape me with a ruler” type of cause-effect story? I admit it’s nice that people are aware of others’ space. But if the goddamn streets are crowded and you and I are walking in opposite directions, you don’t need to apologize for wanting to get home. I don’t care, really – and that does not offend me, I swear.

Or maybe that’s not it at all?

I pondered, at some point, whether all of these apologetic strangers aren’t really sorry for standing behind me on the escalator or that they’re not really shameful for smiling at me while standing in line at the grocery store. Maybe “Excuse me” actually means, “I’m here”. Maybe “Sorry” actually means, “Notice me”. If so, what is the catalyst for such behavior? Granted, walking the streets of a major US city resembles nothing. Every time I’m in Manhattan I feel like an ant, so if that’s the driving force, I guess I can understand how people seek these “I’m sorry” exchanges just so they can (in a way) scream for their existence.

Whatever the reason may be, I’d really appreciate it if the next time I’m riding the bus someone will just punch me in the face on his way to the back seats. Then he can burp, look at me with disgust and say: “America. Fuck yeah.”

Written by Frankelstache

June 22, 2009 at 10:00 am

Oh Carolina

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The road is so dark, I can barely see more than 50 meters ahead of me. I pull over to urinate about 40 minutes southeast of Charlotte, and as I unzip my pants I hear an odd sound emerging from the bushes, and recognize the silhouette of a giant deer running away shortly after. It’s 1:30AM, and I’m literally in the middle of nowhere. I look far ahead to see a sign declaring: “God is good. Always” underneath a small church, and note to myself that this is the 5th of these lighted banners I’ve seen since my drive began.

Three days later, my views of America and of Americans had changed dramatically. Excluding a short visit to Fort Lauderdale, this Carolina venture has deflowered me and my innocent perception of the US of A. I’ve heard / read / watched endless tales and legends about “how it’s like in the South”, yet, when my eyes encountered it in real life, I was partly baffled. On Sunday evening I made my way to a local bar alongside Little River on the footsteps of Myrtle Beach, stumbling upon a pack of rednecks, bikers, obese people, little kids, slutty fake-haired blondes and Jesus Christ, tattooed on every 2nd person’s body. All the men are tall and gorgeous. Women are either redhead or platinum blonde, with blue eyes and short skirts. It’s 90+ degrees, the scent of honeysuckle and the ocean is filling my nostrils, and everybody appear to be completely content leading a life that essentially consists of lunches at Ruby Tuesdays and fried chicken with a cold PBR for dinner. So, is this the real America?

The South is so different. It’s poles apart than, say, my beloved San Francisco. A sense of small town mentality rules the atmosphere and people don’t care for much but living the moment. Or do they? I saw the same people wherever I went, and they seemed familiar with all and sundry around them. Lots of Army stickers glued to cars, and from some reason, ‘Hibachi style cooking’ is big here. I saw no “Apple” Paraphernalia, and though I might sound like a jerk for saying this, from a few conversations I had with the natives, people didn’t seem too educated, or even a tad aware of anything happening beyond this small South Carolina town. I thought about it a little, and couldn’t really decide if these people are genuinely satisfied with what they have, and they live in this bubble, drinking excessively and behave the way they do in order to celebrate their existence, or are they miserable, and their demeanor is an attempt of escaping this horrible, no future – no present life?

I’m still thinking about it.

Written by Frankelstache

May 12, 2009 at 3:31 pm