Frankelstache

Life, America, Randomness

Posts Tagged ‘Social Norms

My Fashion Halo, Part I

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As all three of you readers (may have) noticed, I haven’t written anything in awhile. The reason being that unlike my freelance days, full-time employment is a) exhausting, b) laborious and c) sucking every bit of inspiration and creativity out of me. It’s almost the best blowjob I ever got, and similarly, it’s going to be a mess once it’s over.

Nonetheless, all us dearly beloved have gathered here today to talk about fashion. Chic. Attire.

Working in a very fashion-progressive environment that almost forces one to express himself via clothing, turns every day into a struggling battle. Knock on wood, I’ve been blessed with having pretty much every material need taken care of throughout my life. But my wardrobe still resembles that of an 8 year-old kid in Angola. I have 3-4 tshirts, 2 pairs of pants and a handful of underwear. Shoes etc. were always somewhat of a privilege, probably because of the sizzling Israeli summers that required barefoot-ness. In any case, I had to get a real makeover before starting this thingy here in CO. This made The Woman I Love exceptionally ecstatic, but before the shopping spree began, I was dreading like an anal virgin, minutes before the lube comes out of the drawer.

So we went…and spent…and then spent some more….all in the name of making a good impression. Soon enough I was armed with a plethora of nakedness-hiding gear. The Woman I Love chose famous brands and contemporary designs, navigating between the need to hide my beer belly and the desire to emphasize my unibrow and nose-hair. It felt odd to wear all these clothes that have buttons and neckbands. Still feels odd. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to it. The saddest thing about all these fashion shenanigans is that I ended up still looking like a shlump. Okay, stop for a minute – I make this sound way worse than it is. It’s still Advertising, and it’s still casual. No one wears a suit or anything, unless they’re trying to be ironic. We’re talking basic polos, some sweaters and reasonably tight jeans. Still, I can wait to hopefully finish these three months and go back to wearing my 3-4tshirts.

I have much more to add about general American dress code, and general fashion tips from my inner Tim Gun, but I’ll spare them for now. Maybe in part II of this.

Frankelstache out.

P.S. happy Holocaust day!

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April 12, 2010 at 8:58 am

Best New Product on The Market

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Gallop your way into a fitter, healthier, more productive lifestyle.

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February 10, 2010 at 7:21 pm

English is an Ubber Odd Language

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Hello all and welcome back to today’s episode of the Frankelstache’s misunderstandings with English.

So in America, when a person says: “Damn, I’d kill for a Burrito right now.” the people around him conclude that that person is really craving a Burrito.

My personal and completely normal conclusion was that given that murder is the highest rated offense (punishment wise), I can proudly announce: “Damn, I’d sodomize a 12 year-old for a Burrito right now.”

That didn’t go so well.

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January 15, 2010 at 12:05 am

Good Year Video

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This is brilliant.

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January 4, 2010 at 11:09 am

Mingling Codes

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We advertising people sustain an interesting combination of having an immense ego, alongside the self-esteem of a head to toe pimpled 13-year-old girl. That’s why no other industry (Entertainment aside) celebrates itself more proudly and often than ours. Award shows, publications, interviews. If there’s a way to prove that we’re the coolest, smartest, have the best motherfucking jobs, prettiest people the world has ever encountered – we’ll be there.

Last night I attended a Networking event. The nice people of Adobe hosted a bunch of pompous ‘creatives’ and other ad characters. They fed us really well, gave us lots of free booze and even a fancy nametag. Some random dude spoke about the marketing of tomorrow and how the Internet Is amazing and Twitter will change the world and so on and so forth. So I sat there. And listened. God. This is so ridiculous it’s not even funny. It never ceases to amaze me how my industry honestly believes it’s doing sacred work, acting like we saves lives, believe it or not.

But back to my point, after the speakers called a halt the entire room dove deep into the fake and narcissistic world of networking. Now I unassumingly believe I can be very charming at times. I’m fairy nice to look at and can bullshit with confidence about an array of matters. Yet, I’d probably prefer being gang raped in my ear by a herd of silverback raccoons than mingle my way through two and a half hours.

What is it with you Americans that love these atrociousness chitchats so much?

Of course, no networking event can be successful without the gracious help of some key characters, and being that I’m all about serving the public, I’ve narrowed them down to a science:

1. The woman that drinks like she never met free white wine before.

2. The gay man, causing a qualm whether flirting with him in your career’s name makes you a certified whore.

3. The woman in Über high heels that draws despondency rather than attention.

4 The guy that doesn’t know a soul in the building and pretends he’s extremely interested in evaluating the typography of his beer bottle for an hour (that’ll be me).

5. The guy that doesn’t know a soul in the building yet speaks to everyone, spreading awkwardness as he gazes for his next victim.

6. The woman that didn’t come here to find a date but if it happens it must be destiny.

7. The guy who came to get laid.

8. The event’s host, relentlessly speaking to e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e without purpose.

9. The catering staff that came for the tips but has to suffer pointless conversations with characters 4 & 5.

10. The guard that simply wants all you assholes to go home already and get a fucking life.

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November 5, 2009 at 11:24 am

Halloween Sayings

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I always hear guys say “Women dress like sluts in Halloween because that’s how they want to dress daily in their heart of hearts.”

So based on that, do all men secretly aspire to be Cross-dressers?

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October 29, 2009 at 9:29 am

Don’t You Just Hate it When

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you’re facebook stalking someone and he / she can’t even adjust their photos to be vertical?

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October 16, 2009 at 1:23 pm